Crush

I catch a glimpse of him from afar. Damn he still looks good. After knowing he's in the ceremony, I can't concentrate. My mind wander.

Back in my childhood days, he's not the "handsomest", but he sure is the smartest. I don't really know why I "like" him but that might be a helping factor. He's one of the good boys, not the naughty one you know.

As I'm handing out doorgifts for the ceremony, I saw him walking in right in front of me. I never really met him since 5th grade, so I don't know if he remembers me. Our eyes met and he smiles. Yes he smiles. He approached me and asked for a candy [one of the doorgifts]. Like someone under a magic spell, I just take the candy and give it to him.

Suddenly he says
"I just want one".

I didn't realize I grabbed two bags of the candy. The idiot that I am, I responded with
"do you want one of these, I made them"
pointing to my Baymax cupcakes.

I hand one of the cupcakes to him. And of course, that is the time when the candy bags in my hand decided to fall.

And he's like
"sorry"
then squat down to pick up the bags, take one of them and hand me the other one.

"Thank you"
says him and smiles.

The second smile throw me away making it hard to stand up, let alone talk calmly. I feel blood rushes to my face as I am now facing my childhood crush; looking better than ever, talking to me. He makes small talks and I respond as normal as possible whilst trying to get a grip of reality.

To be honest, I don't really remember what we talked about even though it just happened about 5 hours ago. I am too busy trying to act normal. About 5 minutes after that, our other childhood friends enter the ceremony and he greets them while I just smile at them, then he returns to our conversation. We talk for another 5 minutes then he excuse himself to rejoin his family inside and give me a last smile.

After he left, I lean on the table while growling and my mother asked me
"who is that?"
and I answered her.

I told her he was my childhood crush then she says
"Well, he's handsome".

The end.

p/s: I know he's not available. So...

Fear

You know what? I've started to feel afraid

Afraid of my blurry future

I've started thinking that I will die alone in a pile of money

If there's any money for me

Its been a week and a day

I hope you're just fine there

Everything has been said and done

The memories are the only left behind

Each place, each moment I spend with you

Like a video tape its playing on my mind

Having you brings joy and conflicts pain

Without you its only the rain

I always heard that rain will go away

And brings back rainbow to your day

"I just want you to let me in"

As Miley would say

A little effort would be nice

I just wish you'd fight for us

Just maybe we're not meant to be

I just want to say I'm sorry

So long and good day

Gigi susu

Ingat tak masa kecik-kecik dulu, korang ada gigi susu? Zaman tu gigi comel-comel je masing-masing. Masa mak aku cakap yang gigi aku tu gigi susu, aku pelik sebab tak rasa susu pon. Kebuduhan zaman kanak-kanak kan. Sebenarnya sampai sekarang pon aku tak pasti kenapa panggil gigi susu.

Yang nak dijadikan cerita tu, gigi susu ni akan cabut satu persatu, digantikan dengan gigi kekal. Ingat tak perasaannya masa gigi susu nak tercabut?

Mula-mula rasa macam gigi tu ada goyang sikit, tapi masih kukuh melekat di gusi. Kemudian sedikit demi sedikit gigi tercerai dari gusi, tetapi masih ada setengah yang melekat pada gusi. Lama lagi, tinggal sikit aje gigi yang melekat kat gusi, tunggu masa nak tercabut je kata orang.

Masa ni, nak makan minum pon tak selesa. Iye lah, gigi dok bergoyang kat dalam mulut. Tambah lagi, takut tengah-tengah makan nasi tertelan gigi tu. Sampai lah satu masa kita sedar yang gigi tu dah tak sesuai duduk dalam mulut kita. Kehadiran gigi tu buat kita rasa tak selesa. Kita takut nak cabut gigi tu takut sakit. Kita tak sedar, lama kelamaan gigi tu perlu dicabut jugak, untuk memberi laluan kepada gigi kekal.

Bila dah cabut, sementara nak tumbuh gigi kekal tu, baru kita sedar betapa comelnya gigi susu tu, betapa pentingnya  gigi kat dalam mulut kita untuk mengunyah makanan, juga supaya tak nampak rongak. Masa tu baru kita faham kepentingan gigi dalam hidup kita.

Hargailah benda/orang yang ada dalam hidup kita, sebab kalau kita tak jaga betul-betul, lama kelamaan mereka akan tercabut macam gigi susu tu.

 

Quality

Before you want to start blaming me, ask youself this:

Name three things that happened recently in my life? Have you ever try to show some interest in that?

When WAS the last time you asked about my day, how am I doing?

When was the last time you call me just to hear my voice?

And above all, did I or didn't I tell you if there's something as the questions above bothers me? What did you do about it?

Communication is one of the strongest key to relationship. Haven't you heard that? Its not about the quantity but its about the quality.

I didn't ask for much. But I'm not that strong to be in this alone. Not anymore.

The third voice

When you fall in love, your heart usually contracts with your mind. When your mind say no your heart usually say yes. That is the moment you starts to realize that you're in love.

As I can put it this way, you have two voices, which are "mind" and "heart". And as we all know, mind is the geeky factual voice and heart is the emotional voice.

And then there's the third voice. For about a fortnight now, something against the odds happen. The emotional heart co-operates with the geeky mind. And out of nowhere, this third voice is the one who contradicts with them. The question is, who/what is that voice and where does it came from?

After some thinking and observation, I name this voice as "memories". Let me give you an analogy. Lets say there's a new movie showing on cinemas. Heart and mind both agrees that the movie is not that interesting. But the memories keep showing the trailer, making heart and mind having second thought about watching the movie.

"Maybe it is good"

"Maybe it suits me"

"Maybe if we give it a chance we'll enjoy ourselfs"

But at the same time thinking:

"But I don't really like the actor"

"But this is the sequel of that sucky story"

"What if this one is bad too?"

So the three voices keep arguing and driving me crazy!

Guys, please settle down. I'm tired of all this. Really tired.