Cakap lebat

Its been a while, right? Sorry for not updating more often, sometimes I forget the existance of this domain. Actually a lot have happened and I don't know where to start.

First of all, life's kinda, only ok I guess. Work, well. Something has happened recently that open my eyes to certain vital things that I usually response with ignorance.

First, about my paycheck. For some who doesn't know, I work in a factory in shifts. There are only two shifts: morning and night. Actually the shifts doesn't bother me a lot. Its the working hours that bother me.

Our working hour is 10 hours per day, 12 if we want to do overtime. And yeah, they treat overtime like a compulsory thing here even though its only an option. And yeah, I am the lady of my own mind, I won't do anything unless I want to. When I check my pay for last month, it's kinda like a wake up call for me. I worked for 12 hours almost every day, and my pay doesn't even reach 2k. I need to do something about this. So I started the scavanger [job] hunt, episode 2.

Second of all, the politics. I really hate the politics here. And I should say this, I am blessed enough to have an understanding boss to work with. Alhamdulillah. 

But, as always, there's always a pair of eyes and a set of lips that can't let us be happy. I don't even know this b**** but suddenly she complaint about me and so. They tell me that she is like that with anyone. I just didn't understand it you know. A well known lady, good looking, married to someone who is filthy rich, but still couldn't leave this poor little new kid alone. Something is wrong upstairs I guess.

The best part is, when it happened, my so called "partner in crime" just bailed on me. So there I am taking the blame, alone. Starting there, I lost all my trust towards that so called "friend of mine". Someone who we call, "cakap lebat, buat tak berani". 

I just hope I can find a job in Shah Alam soon and get my ass out of that stupid factory. It's not exciting anymore, never have been.

From my point of view,

Telling someone that you dream of them is just another way of telling them you think of them very much before you sleep till he/she appears in your dream.

Or to be brief, YOU MISS THEM.

So if someone you love tells you they dream of you, just be emphatic and tell them that you miss them too instead of just remain silent then interpreting it the other way that causes them heartache.

Is that too much to ask for? 

Well, unless you don't then, DON'T.

Stesen bas

Tiap-tiap kali aku datang sini, mesti terkenang. Teringat perasaan tu. Perasaan apabila aku menghantar dia ke sini untuk dia boleh balik kampung.

Sejar dari mula kenal dia, sampai lah kali terakhir aku hantar dia kesini, perasaan tetap sama. Sedih. Sebak. Nak nangis. Macam dia akan tinggalkan aku sampai bila-bila. Tertanya-tanya apakan bila boleh aku jumpa dia lagi.

Yang berbeza, cara aku mengawal perasaan tu supaya dia tak perasan. Ye lah, hilang lah macho kalau tunjuk sedih. Mula-mula, dia dapat detect yang aku sedih. Lama kelamaan, aku buat muka toya. Supaya dia tak terganggu dengan kesedihan aku. Ye lah orang nak balik kampung nak hepi-hepi, aku pulak spoilkan nanti. Tapi bila aku nampak je bas dia mula bergerak, mula lah air mata menitik-nitik. Macam drama wa cakap lu.

Masa mula-mula tu, aku fikir mungkin sebab masih baru kan, lama-lama nanti dah biasa lah. Haraam tak nye. Sampai last aku hantar still rasa sedih.

Okay lah Kak Ngah dah selamat naik bas dan bas dia dah gerak tu, so aku pon nak gerak balik rumah ni. Post ini ditulis untuk mengisi masa sementara menunggu Kak Ngah naik bas hehe.

Oh nak raya dah kan. 

SALAM AIDIL FITRI KAWAN2 :-)

The Departion: Epilogue

She walks slowly into the shower with tears already filling her eyes. She grabs the towel and drags it to the shower. 

"This is too much pain", the voice in her head starts talking again.

She rotates the shower knob clockwise three times to turn in on. She intend to take a normal length shower then tuck herself in to bed. Suddenly the tears streams down without any warning. She feels like screaming now at 12:30 am but she's afraid she'll wake everyone up.

She couldn't hold it in anymore, then she lean her right shoulder to the wall and close her eyes while tears keep streaming down like waterfall. All of sudden, she hears him

"Dear, please don't cry. Smile, please." 

And she feels his warm tan hands hugging her, then kisses her head to calm her down. She feels safe for a while, and that is when reality struck. 

"Why aren't you here baby?"

She asks. No answer. She opens her eyes, he's not even there to begin with. 

With all the tears streaming through her eyes, the thoughts of him in her mind, the shower water running through her skin, her knees become weak and there she is, alone at 12:30am in the shower, sitting on her legs with her hand and head on the toilet lead, weeping and whimpering. It was heartbreaking.

She hears him whisper again.

"Honey, you love me right? Please don't cry." He says

The voice in her head shouts

"BUT BABY YOU AREN'T HERE, HOW CAN I NOT BE SAD?"

Still no answer.

She thinks to herself, when will all this ends? Being without him eats her happiness alive day by day like a dementor sucking good memories from people in Harry Potter.

She gained all her strength and try to get up.

"Enough!" She say to herself.

She gets up reluctantly. Shower herself trying not to think about him again.

Then it happens again. Her knees weaken but this time she sits on the shower tiles. She let the tears stream down and starts whimpering again. There's so much pain in her body, running through each and every vein. She make a fist and starts to punch the wall to let it all out, but all it does is making the feeling even worst.

She gets up again, this time she tells herself

"Honey, sometimes you need to let it all out because you're human, every once in a while you need to cry"

She stands up with any strength left, facing the hazy mirror and wipe it off to see her weeping face. Her eyes already puffed up and her face is wet, slowly she wipes off her face. She cleans herself up, get out of the shower, wear pajamas and pray.

P/s: Is my writing kinda rusty? Cause I can't "feel" my own post.

Broken puzzle

"Need some time to sort and patch and assemble all the pieces of puzzles that are broken and shattered this few years back as well as casting away the reason why."

Just to be clear, "puzzle" is not us. "Puzzle" is just me and me alone.