I promised I'd check in but hey, it's 3 weeks later and here I am. Well at least I'm here, shut up!
So. My training at work almost over. Not to say I know everything that is to know about my job exactly, but I think I know enough. And frankly I'm grateful they didn't just sic the work on me raw without any trainings.
How was it? Its overwhelming at first, new things always are. But it gets better. Colleagues are all nice, including the boss, whick I don't think just anyone could experience. I'm lucky.
The thing I want to talk about today. Walls. As I'm sure, everyone has built walls around themto protect themselves from something, you name it; from being hurt, from being seen, from all their secrets. Myself included. And yes, in the recent years, I realize I have this fear of beeing seen. Probably from childhood trauma or something, I'm not sure (or I rather not say :p). I'm always nice, but I push people away when I feel like I'm starting to care about them. Yes, avoidance attachment.
I have a friend that willalways reach out to eve even when I'm being an asshole to her. She knows how much I care about her despite me always pushing her away many times. I think she's the first person to bring that wall down. And I thank God for her.
The walls are still there, but after her, they were torn down more, no less by Pound. Sounds strange, isn't it? Before Pound, I have trouble with people hugging me. Not even my family and close friends. Of course I tolerate it from time to time, but the general verdict is: I dont like them. Litlle by little, Pound Pros (there's one in particular but I wont put her name here) torn this wall down by hugging me and asking how I am after almost each session, and I feel myself opening up. Funnily enough, this coincide with me still being a psych student, so I am more aware of my feelings.
Feelings are a funny thing. Naming them too. And what to do with them? We need to sit with them, let us feel them. Thwn we can move on. Sounds cliché, isn't it? But it works for me. If you're sad, cry. Yes crying isn't pleasant at the moment, but it helps you regulate that sad emotion. Don't block them.
My new job, I think is doing a great job in tearing the walls down further. It's because this job requires me to be genuine and empathetic. Not everyone can do this, not saying that I'm the most capable or I'm an angel, but I want to do this. To add value in someone's life.
So, yeah. There we are.
Xo xo
