The pay

 Oh shit! He DO really love me, didn't he? 

As if that's a curse. As if she don't want this too. As if it didn't make her happy, but guilty at the same time. 

But why?

Looking at yesterday, it's obvious. His heart beats fast when he embraced her, she can actually hear it. He's awfully happy when she made it, her goal travelling all the way here. A 3000km flight plus 2 hours car ride. All those trainings. The anticipation. She made it. And she can see how determined he is to help her make it come true. He ignored when his friends say no. Go back. He guide her hand all the way up, even when she's just like a shell of herself at that moment. He told her

"I will be sad if you didn't reach your goal coming here" 

And all the efforts. Yes, a girl notices all the small efforts. How he never hovers too close but always nearby to make sure she's safe. How he never nag but give some wisdom, say the right things when her smile falters. How he actually cook for her when no one else in his position, at least none she ever heard of, has ever done this. The way he gives her his rain coat when it rains, and he hold his umbrella up to her when she said the rain coat still make her clothes wet. How he always smile and point to the her favorite mushroom that they passed through, the whole trip, even when she's too tired to notice it. How when he knows she like to look at all the faunas and floras, he will point out each one that's rare (maybe that's his job nature, but she still appreciate it). How he asked small things about her and remembers them. How he looks sad when they part ways.

The thing is, this is rare. And when she asked him

"Why me? You met tons of people every day" 

He just said

"Because of the way you make me feel. With you, I feel different"

Yes, the feels. She feel it too. In fact, she felt it when they first met, thats why she avoids him at first (literal avoidance attachment I suppose). Part of her comes back because of him. Even when she never admits it out lout. This trip, she sees the proof. 

Lets start with the way he make her feel. He make her feel... safe. All her life, she's always been the one who takes care of others. The one who notices everyone's side eyes, sighs, silent tears. The one who can anticipate things that others can't even fathom. But with him, she feels like a child, in a good way. She feel seen and taken care of. It's not a feeling she often feel outside of her family & friends circle. It's weird. They only met two times. Yes, two. Not even enough number to count your fingers. 

Then the little things he did. Then, the payment. Oh keep your head out of the gutter, it's not like that. He's supposed to help her with something and she pays him. Thats the way things like this go. But when she asks him about it, he said there's no need.

"You don't need to pay me. You've give me more" 

She then do the maths. This isn't some 2, 3 dollars worth of things. It's supposed to be hundreds of dollars. Yes, that much. Then comes the panic. 

Oh shit! He DO really love me, didn't he?

This isn't supposed to happen. They have nothing in common, literally. Except for their love of the activity she flew here to do itself. Not geographical, not race, not culture, not the way they view the world. It's like if a farm boy falls in love with the princess, I guess.

This will wither in time

She hopes. Because if it blooms, it will raise all sorts of hell for both of them. And to be honest, she don't think they both can handle it without burning their worlds.